The fig tree analogy.

I want to be and do all that I want to in this life.

And there's so much I could be and do...

Is there enough time for me to have it all?

I read about the fig tree analogy that comes from Sylvia Plath's novel, 'The Bell Jar'.

It's a powerful metaphor representing the many choices we have in this life, and the choice paralysis that leaves us frozen, not knowing which one to make; the paralysis that comes from the overwhelming number of options we have.

And in the end, we're left with indecision, which results in not choosing anything at all. We're stopped in our tracks from progressing or moving forward with any of the choices we have in front of us because of this overwhelm.

The fig tree metaphor captures the struggle of making life choices due to having so many appealing options we could choose; so many different possible paths and dreams and adventures. Each fig represents each potential pathway your life could go, like an alternate universe of what your life could be if you choose one path or the other. At the same time, there's so much potential and the desire to be able to fulfill them all in this one lifetime.

But is there enough time for one to truly do so - all that one could ever want to be and do?

Because what if we cannot be and do all that we want to in this one life?

Perhaps, then you'll have to leave it for the alternate timelines or ideas of 'in another life' and simply pick the one you want to do most in the present moment of now. Otherwise, you'll be left stuck doing none of them at all.

There is no 'correct' or 'right' path - there is just a path you choose and whatever path you decide is the 'right' path for you in the present, with where you're at in life right now. Perhaps, the 'right' path is what feels right to you at this moment and where your heart is leading you at this point in time.

A small, gentle nudge from your intuition.

Or a confident focus of direction you're leaning towards.

Whatever it is, if it feels good, if it feels right for you, maybe that's the way to go.

Yes, there are so many options, but you'll only ever find out anything if you start by taking the first step towards them. And it starts with one fig at a time. You don't need to do it all at once. Take it by little steps and you can explore one tree branch's journey; see where that leads and how that goes.

You might even make your rounds and jump to another branch, pick another fig along your life's journey. You're not always limited to one pathway or dream to follow on forever and pursue. But you have to start somewhere, and you can't stay stuck forever staring at all the figs you could reach for. You can't stand there and admire them and dream of them but not try any at all. You've got to take the action, or the figs of opportunities will start to wither and fall away as more time passes by.

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet." - Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)

Someone once told me, "you win some, you lose some."

Sometimes, you can't have everything you ever want in life, and sometimes you have to make a choice between one or the other, or multiple others. You have to make decisions where you cannot get all the options at once, and like this fig tree metaphor, sometimes you can only pick one before they fall out of the tree.

The fear of choosing one fig and losing all the others can be paralysing and make it difficult to decide, but you cannot let that result in making no decision at all and losing all the opportunities in front of you.

Illustrated in the quoted passage from 'The Bell Jar' is the dilemma of choice and the worries and hesitations that come with it. All the figs symbolise the many possibilities life offers us, but our lives are limited, and with the limitations of time and life circumstances, this means we cannot pursue them all simultaneously. The fear of missing out on the other options can lead to indecision or dissatisfaction. There may also be pressure to make the "perfect" choice, fearing regret or loss. And these fears are what can bring about hesitation, stress, or avoidance in making any decision at all.

As I touched on earlier, there isn't a correct or "perfect" choice. No choice can be perfect. Rather, there's simply just choice.

Sometimes what can help to make a decision clearer is by focusing on what aligns with your life at the stage of life you're currently at.

What are your passions and values? What aligns with those?

What are the pros and cons?

What fits your goals?

A gentle reminder that there is also importance in accepting what you gain and lose - nothing is without trade-offs. When we go forward with a choice/decision we have made, let's be encouraged to savour the chosen path, instead of regretting the ones left behind.

And remember, although it can feel like once you've made a choice and decided to go down one path, commitment is important here too, but it's also reassuring to know that you are never truly locked into one thing forever. You can always pivot later down the line, or you may find out and realise this path isn't really for you anymore after experiencing it. There are other opportunities for adventures and paths to explore if you change your mind or no longer align with one you chose that felt right at the time.

There is no wrong path or decision, there is only making them, following through, figuring it out, and learning as you go. Your life, specifically you as a person, will adapt and shape around the choices/decisions you've made for yourself and where you go.

So, whatever you choose, there's no right or wrong; there just is.

As long as you make the choice and action towards it, you can make the best out of what happens next and how you move forward with your life in the chosen direction.

Choosing a path means investing in it, and embracing this commitment can allow for more fulfillment with your dedication to what you chose, even if other options were left behind.

We can't have all figs at once, but we can savour the one we pick.

There will always be what ifs and wondering about what could have been in choosing a different fig. However, it's important to recognise that every option has its pros and cons. No single fig can satisfy all our desires or guarantee happiness. In accepting this, we can reduce the pressure of a "perfect" or "right" choice.

We can reframe the unchosen options of opportunity by seeing them as experiences that have shaped our journey.

Focus on what matters most and which figs align with your values and goals. You can prioritise options that resonate best, rather than think about every possibility.

So, take small steps and break down each action into manageable ones. Big decisions can feel overwhelming, and breaking things down can help to reduce this feeling.

Life is filled with countless possibilities and opportunities. Choosing one inevitably means letting go of others because we cannot do them all at the same time. Our desires become limited here. But we can think of it this way - maybe life isn't about having everything, rather, it's about making meaningful choices and then embracing them fully.

The act of choosing will always be accompanied by loss, but it is a necessary process throughout life. With every choice we make, we can build more self-confidence and trust in ourselves each time. And perhaps, we need to believe and trust that the choices we make are the best choices for us at the time, and whatever is meant to be for us, will be.

Sincerely,

Sitting With Ourselves