Connection I love, crave, and grieve. Connection I yearn, miss, and cannot reach.

I sit in the silence.

I listen to one instrumental music piece that’s calming and comforting.

I look at my surroundings in the warm night lighting.

And I’m reminded again of this missing, yearning, longing, emptiness, desire for connection.

It’s a desire for a specific connection and closely to people I love and like who are out of reach.

Across seas and not in reach or near.

I am reminded of that feeling and longing for that connection, or that time, or that moment.

It’s slightly nostalgic and some music or playlists bring back that nostalgia or longing for moments we can’t go back to or experience again.

But listening to that music again, feels like I’m being brought back to a different timeline or alternate universe of that time period or moment in time. As the present, current me.

I am brought back to experience that feeling or time again through sound, music. But it feels different than it did before; than it would have felt at the time I was living in those moments or realities in the past.

It’s an interesting feeling, an odd feeling. Not in a bad way. I can't quite explain it.

But it’s subtle, and it lingers. It’s just there. I feel it and I can’t do anything about it. All I can do is feel it as it washes over me and takes up the space in my heart and soul.

It’s tied to connection. And connection I crave.

I love love. And maybe connection I grieve.

Goodnight.

A raw journal entry from

Sitting With Ourselves.